Day 34

I still feel slightly fuller. I'm starting to wonder if it's PMS again. It really shouldn't be PMS because I got my period on July 8th, which isn't that long ago at all. If my period stays consistent, my PMS symptoms should be starting during the first week of August. If this fullness I'm experiencing is in fact PMS, then I guess that means my period is going to start even earlier than last time, around the first or second of next month.

I've discovered two bad side effects of taking borage oil internally. One is that the smell perspires through my skin if I start sweating. Since it's summer (a very hot summer where I'm from--we're getting temperatures over 90 degrees everyday!) and I spend a lot of time outside, I still end up smelling of that horrible smell I've been trying to avoid. It's not as strong as it was when I was applying it directly to my skin, but it's still noticeable. At least to me it is, I don't know how much other people can smell it.

The other side effect is indigestion. I'm not 100% positive that the borage oil is to blame for this, but I only started getting stomachaches after I began taking it with my other herbs. I started getting really gassy, but the pangs I would get in my stomach were extremely sharp. I had to lie down on my bed and my couch on two separate occasions. I haven't used the borage oil at all during yesterday and today, and I haven't experienced that discomfort again. So I think it's pretty likely that the borage oil was the culprit.

I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to do with my leftover borage oil pills now. I still have a ton of them left, because the bottle I bought contained 100 pills. I think I may have used something over 20 of them. It seems like a shame to throw them all out. I don't think I have any other option, though. I refuse to go back to massaging with it, because the social embarrassment it causes me isn't worth it. The smell clings tightly to my clothes as well, and even after washing them two or three times in a row, it still lingers. Taking it internally still gives me bad body odor and appears to be bad for my stomach. This is turning out to have been a bad purchase all around. It looks like I'm going to have to replace it with evening primrose oil or flaxseed oil.

I've been massaging only once a day for a while now, but I haven't taken any tea for the past few days. I think I've only missed my dose of herbs one time since I last updated.

Day 31

Well, I've been on my routine for a full month now! No growth yet, but I'm staying optimistic. My boobs have actually been feeling slightly bigger for the part two or three days. However the difference is so slight that I sometimes think I'm imagining it. Other times I feel like they look exactly the same and I convince myself that the only reason I'm occasionally thinking they look bigger is because I'm so aware that I'm on NBE. I think I have a placebo effect going on.

Anyway, I'm really bad at keeping all of this a secret. Today my mother found my bottles of herbal extracts. I had them hidden in a closet behind a whole bunch of other bottles. People hardly ever look for things in that closet and when they do, they usually don't move so many things around. Well it just so happened that my mother needed the bottle right in front of my extracts. Not recognizing them, she asked me if they were mine. I admitted that they were, but I lied and told her that they were for my teas. I said that they came together with the teas and that the instructions said that I was supposed to put a few drops into each.

She seems to have believed it, but I bet she's a little suspicious. My teas are in the kitchen and my extracts were in a closet in the bathroom. She probably thinks it's a bit weird that I placed these things so far apart. I doubt that she's automatically going to jump to the conclusion that I'm trying to make my breasts grow, because she knows nothing about NBE or the herbs I'm using. But I highly doubt she doesn't realize that something fishy is going on.

She's acting like she doesn't suspect anything though.

What I REALLY have to make sure she doesn't find are my pills. Now THAT she would not take lightly. Nor could I pin that on my "teas." She would flip out like nobody's business. I'm definitely going to have to hide those better.

Moving on to my routine, I've decided to start taking my borage oil internally, but I'm going to keep massaging with fenugreek. The day before yesterday I attempted to take the fenugreek extract by just putting some drops on my tongue, but that plan was busted right after the FIRST drop. It turns out that my extracts have alcohol in them and as soon as that one drop landed in my mouth, my tongue started stinging like crazy. I didn't even swallow it because I didn't think it would be good for me. I just washed and rinsed my mouth out with water.

The instructions on the extract bottles say that I'm supposed to put 10-15 drops in a glass of water and drink it, but I'm already drinking teas so I'm just going to keep massaging with it. I know that I could actually do what I told my mom I was doing and actually put some of the extract into my teas, but somehow I think that this would make them taste terrible so I won't.

It's not that bad anyway. Without the borage oil, the smell of my mixture isn't nearly as strong. I smell a bit syrupy, but I can fix that by wearing more "closed" shirts.

The day before yesterday I massaged with only vitamin e lotion, wild yam, and fennel and I almost couldn't smell it at all. Last night I massaged with the fenugreek and I can smell it a bit, but it's bearable.

Day 28

I've noticed that lately my skin has been breaking out a little bit. It's nothing drastic, but I absolutely hate having acne. Two of my relatives made comments about it today along the lines of, "Looks like your skin is acting up." So it's noticeable.

I don't know if this is a side effect from the herbs I've been taking, but I figure it's worth noting. I wouldn't be too quick to pin it on my NBE stuff, because my skin gets crappy when I go days being lazy with my maintenance of it. I haven't been washing it too thoroughly lately, and I think my diet hasn't been too good either (but right now I can't seem to recall any of the things I've eaten over the past week, which means this might not be accurate either). When I consume a lot of grease and/or sugar I tend to break out.

Anyway, one thing that people are definitely aware of is the borage oil odor. Most of the time I'm good about hiding it (usually this takes the wearing of several shirts), but sometimes I'll put myself in a position that airs out my chest and the smell will escape. Like today I bent down to write something and the person sitting in front of me said, "Ugh, did you smell that just now? It was like this really strong, sweaty smell." At this point I'm starting to get desperate. I don't want to disrupt my routine, but this is starting to get embarrassing.

I was also thinking about no longer using fenugreek extract in my massages. The fenugreek smells stronger than any of the other herbs and mixed with borage oil, it's just terrible. So to aleviate at least some of the horribleness (the borage oil is still the worst), I'm considering excluding it.

Now, I definitely don't want to throw out the bottle of fenugreek extract I have, so I think I should try taking it internally. This idea absolutely terrifies me, I'll admit. Fenugreek has a nasty smell, and fenugreek tea also has a nasty taste. So the idea of swallowing fenugreek extract is nightmare inducing. But I have to try it, because otherwise it's going to go to waste. And I really don't want to massage with it anymore.

We'll see how it all goes.

The Complications of Secretly Doing NBE

Day 27

For an undisciplined and lazy person like myself, NBE is hard to do. Sure it sounds easy: take twelve pills a day, drink your tea(s), and massage at least once. But if you're used to procrastinating everything and if you're disorganized, a routine can fall apart easily. So it's tough for me to pull through on my routine, but the toughest part of it all is the fact that I have to hide everything from my family.

I hide my NBE because I know that if I didn't, all of the following things would happen:

1. My parents would flip out if they found out I was taking a whole bunch of pills made of substances they know nothing about. In fact, if they were to stumble upon my stash of pills, they'd probably immediately think I was on drugs. Then I'd have to explain everything to them, but of course they would tell me that I have no idea what I'm talking about and that I have no business going out and buying unknown supplements without asking their permission first.
2. They'd probably mock me for caring so much about my breast size that I'm willing to do something so dangerous (because I have no doubt that they'd think it's dangerous). Or if they didn't mock me, they'd pity me. They'd try to get to the root of my insecurity and give me a whole bunch of speeches telling me that I'm beautiful already.
3. They might tell the story to my other relatives, which would be humiliating. Half of me thinks that my parents would know better than to blab to others about something as private as this, but my other half isn't sure.
4. I'd feel a lot more pressure for my routine to work. If I were to let them know about all this and then none of it worked, I'd end up feeling like a fool. At least if I keep it to myself, nobody will know about any failures I have.

People around me also tend to perceive me as the type of person who doesn't care about their looks, so admitting that I was trying NBE would basically be confessing that I do care about my image. For some reason admitting that to others would make me feel really vulnerable, which I'd like to avoid.

So anyway, I've had a lot of explaining and hiding around to do lately. I have to hide my herbal extracts bottles and my pills. I've had to explain why I suddenly have bad body odor (I've blamed it on my teas, but in reality it's the massage batter rubbed all over my chest), and I've had to explain why I'm suddenly interested in drinking tea at all (I've claimed that they're really healthy and that I'm trying to be healthier in general). I had to go out on my own and buy my pills. I had to order my herbal extracts online because I couldn't find them in stores, and I had to make sure I was home when the mail arrived during the next couple of days because I didn't want my package to arrive and end up being opened by my mother.

It's all really irritating. I hope that my efforts end up being worth it.

Day 24.

I don't have anything new to report. I've massaged once a day for the past two days and then the two days before that I massaged twice a day. I've been drinking one tea a day still. I was supposed to ramp it up to two per day, but I just tend to forget all about them. I've been really steady with my pills, though. I've taken them three times a day ever since I increased my doses.

I can't believe I've been on NBE for 24 days already. I don't have any growth yet, and I'm trying to be patient about it. I'm just starting to worry a little bit about how I'm going to keep this up once I move into my new apartment in a couple months. I'm going to be sharing a bedroom with a roommate, so I can't just massage freely. And our bathroom is going to be windowless, so I'd have to constantly explain the terrible smell of borage oil and herbs.

I've got to say that sometimes I feel like my NBE is not going to work, because it seems like it would be too good to be true. I have this picture of myself in my head with such a pretty hourglass shaped body, and if I was to look like that in real life, I would be completely content with my appearance. I'll continue with my routine and keep hoping that it works.

Day 19

I think I can officially say that my boobs have gone back to their normal size. I still have some moments where I think they feel fuller, but they definitely aren't as big as they were a few days ago.

Moving on, I have some good news to report on my routine! The stainless steel soap I ordered came in the mail today, so I took the opportunity to try it out. I took a shower and immediately prepared my massage mixture. As usual, the borage oil had the strongest smell out of all the ingredients. After I was done massaging I washed my hands with soap and water; then I turned off the hot water, so that it could be as cold as possible. I took my stainless steel soap and scrubbed my hands for a few minutes (taking extra care to get ALL the spots, especially between each finger and near my nails), and I really couldn't smell the borage oil after that. There were some points later in the day when I accidentally laid my hands near my chest where I'd rubbed my lotion and the smell would get on my hands slightly, but it would go away pretty quickly. So this soap was DEFINITELY a good purchase.

Today was the first time I massaged in like a week, by the way.

Anyway, I hope my routine starts to work soon.

Day 18.

I got my period today. Looks like I was right about my slightly bigger boobs being a result of PMS. I actually don't know if this the first day of my period because I was "spotting" both yesterday and the day before. Today is the first day blood is coming down freely, though. And I'm getting serious cramps. So yeah, today is either the first or third day of my cycle.

My boobs are still a little bigger, but they're shrinking slightly.

Anyway, yesterday I didn't do anything for my NBE routine. I didn't massage, take any pills, or drink any tea. The reason is that I was extremely sick, and the last thing on my mind was my routine. I was also taking medication and I didn't feel like taking an extra twelve pills. I was too dead to make the effort of preparing my massage lotion or massaging at all.

I think the day before yesterday I only took my pills twice and drank my tea. I might have massaged, but I'm not sure. I'm inclined to think I didn't, though.

That's all for now.

Day Sixteen

I ramped up my doses yesterday, so these are the new numbers:

Fenugreek: 1830 mg
Fennel: 1440 mg
Saw Palmetto: 1620 mg
Wild Yam: 1500 mg

I take three pills of each herb a day, which in total comes out to 12 pills. I take one of each herb in the morning, then late afternoon, then at night.

Unfortunately I forgot to take my tea yesterday and I only massaged once. I really don't know how I'm going to solve my problem with the borage oil smell. I haven't been wearing tops that "air out" my boobs (like tank tops) ever since I started this routine, because everyone would smell the scent of the BO and fenugreek if I so much as walked by them. So I've been attempting to basically trap the smell by wearing undershirts and t-shirts.

This works pretty well as far as concealing the stuff rubbed on my chest, but I still have a problem with my HANDS. I can easily wash off the smell of the herbs, but borage oil is a complete pain in the ass, and unfortunately, it's got the worst smelling stench out of anything I'm using in my massage. Washing my hands only temporarily gets rid of the borage oil smell. Like 10-15 minutes later, the smell is back with full force. I scrub hard and with a LOT of soap. I've tried running my hands under very hot water, and the smell STILL comes back.

It's becoming a pain and a little embarrassing, because the smell of borage oil is very strong and noticeable. Yesterday both my friend and my mother commented that I've been smelling a little "odd" lately. I've looked up some tutorials online on how to get rid of bad smells from your hands and some suggest running your hands under cold water (guess I was trying to do the wrong thing before). Some people also say to try rubbing stainless steal against your skin. I've actually decided to order a stainless steel "soap" from Amazon, but in the meantime I'm going to use a spoon to try to get rid of the horrible smell from my hands.

Anyway, my boobs are still a little bigger than they normally are. They're also a little sore. I'm still waiting to see if this is just PMS, but I hope it's not!

Progress

Day Thirteen

I haven't been doing so well for the past few days. I haven't massaged for like two or three days. I've got work early in the morning, and I tend to forget that I need to wake up earlier in order to prepare my lotion, cleanse my hands thoroughly, and air out my room. Even when I do remember, I'm so tired that it takes superhuman strength to get out of bed (and why is it that when I need to wake up early my bed seems to feel extra soft and comfy?). The fact that I'm so bad about waking up with good time is the reason why my massages are so short. I usually only have three minutes before I need to rush out of my house in order to be punctual for work.

Yesterday I also didn't drink my daily tea, nor did I take my second dose of pills. That was the first time I've ever missed any dose for my herbs, and also the first time in a while that I hadn't drank at least one tea. The reason I missed my herbs and my tea is because I went to bed ridiculously early (like at 7 pm). I'd worn myself out earlier in the day, and what I'd actually been planning on doing was to take a short 30-minute nap, but I ended up sleeping for hours. By the time I woke up it was past midnight, and I just decided to screw it.

Anyway, my boobs have been bigger than usual for the past few days and they still are. I'm hoping that maybe my routine has something to do with it, but my rational side is telling me that I'm probably PMS-ing. My breasts tend to swell and feel tender during the week before I get my period. I usually get it around the 14th/15th of the month though, so it's a bit early for my boobs to be showing this symptom. I guess I'm getting my period early this month. I'm still crossing my fingers that maybe my NBE has something to do with my boobs being a bit bigger, but I think it's too early in my routine for them to be truly growing yet.

I'm planning on ramping up my doses on Day 15, after two full weeks of NBE.

Blood Hormone Test Results

Day 8.

As can be seen in my previous entries, I've had my hormones tested through blood as well as through saliva. My saliva test results came back basically saying that I'm estrogen dominant, but I decided to go to my doctor and get all my hormones checked by a professional.

I've mentioned that my blood hormone tests came back as normal, but just to be more detailed, I'll post the exact results here:

So everything was normal, except for my DHEA level. DHEA is a hormone made by the adrenal gland. My doctor thinks that the lab which tested this has a faulty method for measuring this hormone, because a lot of her patients are getting higher than normal results as well, and yet none of them have any symptoms of adrenal gland issues.

I don't know whether or not to trust her judgment on that. In my saliva hormone test (which she claims is untrustworthy) I also came out with "symptoms of adrenal gland dysfunction." Is it just a coincidence? Or is it actually true?

My doctor told me that if I was really worried about this she could prescribe me some birth control pills to take care of the problem, but I turned down the offer because she had already convinced me that I didn't have a big problem.

Apparently an overactive adrenal gland can end up producing more estrogen than needed, but since my estrogen level is normal, I'm not concerned. And besides, my result isn't THAT much higher than the expected range. There's only a 1.2 ng/mL difference. Mind you, that might be a lot in terms of that hormone, but I guess I'm choosing to believe it's not.

Oh yes, I should also mention that I took these tests on the second day of my period, so all these results were compared to expected ranges for the follicular phase.

Massages and Teas

Today is my fifth day of NBE and so far I think I've done pretty well. I've taken all my pills, and I've massaged twice a day everyday (well, except for Day 2, during which I only massaged once). I'm starting to question how effective my massages are, since they're so short. Apparently Vitamin E lotion is a bit heavy to carry my herbs into the bloodstream. On the BE boards some members recommend using extra virgin olive oil for massage, because this makes the herbs easier to absorb or something. We actually have extra virgin olive oil at my house, but it's used for cooking (obviously). Also, I'd feel funny sneaking that oil to my room. Who knows though. I might start using it later today.

Some women also recommend applying heat to the breasts after massaging, because the heat is supposed to help with absorption. A lot of them use heating pads in order to achieve this. I'm debating whether or not I should try this. There are some pretty cheap heating pads on Amazon, so money isn't a problem.

Anyway, I'm happy to say that I've drank one fennel tea for the past two days. It smells absolutely terrible (like some horrible medicine) when there's only water and fennel in it, but I managed to sweeten it with cinnamon and brown sugar. The cinnamon made it have a very pleasant aroma too. I don't know if the sweeteners make the tea less potent, but it's the only way I can make the experience enjoyable. When I drank the fenugreek tea I didn't put anything in it to make the taste better, so that's probably why my experience was so bad. I still haven't tasted the saw palmetto tea, but I plan to either today or tomorrow.

I've become determined to start drinking my three teas everyday again (yes, even the fenugreek). I just need to look up some recipes to make them tasty. Once I'm done with this batch of fenugreek tea that I have, I'll probably switch to a different herb. There's plenty of reputedly estrogenic herbs out there, so it won't be hard to find another option. The only reason I went for the fenugreek tea is because this seems to be the most popular herb for NBE.

I've started my routine!

I started my routine on June 21, 2010.

Well, my herbal extracts finally got here this Monday, and I wasted no time in starting my program. I've decided to start out with pretty low dosages so that I can ramp them up later on. So far, these are the daily amounts I'm taking in pill form:

Fenugreek- 1220 mg
Fennel- 960 mg
Saw Palmetto: 1080 mg
Wild Yam: 1000 mg

I take one pill of each herb in the morning and then again at night.

Now, as for my massage, I've been doing it twice a day (morning and night as well). So far I've a very unrefined technique, and I'm really busy so the massages are very short. A lot of the women on the BE boards do special types of massages, but I haven't really looked into any of it, because personally I don't believe that it makes any difference whether I massage my boobs counterclockwise or clockwise. Right now, I massage for about two minutes each time, but I hope that I become more dedicated and do it for a little longer.

Anyway, this is what I include in each massage:

Borage oil- 1000 mg
Fennel- five drops of extract
Fenugreek- five drops of extract
Saw Palmetto- five drops of extract
Vitamin E lotion

I have no idea how many mg's each of the five drops of my herbs amounts to, but I chose to put five drops of each because on the instructions written on the back of each bottle, it says that you should put 10-15 drops into a glass of water and drink it. Now, I'm not drinking the extracts, but I figured I'd try to follow the amount they recommend and divide it among the herbs. I'll probably ramp this up later as well.

As far as my teas go, I've been doing horribly. As I've said in my previous posts, my original plan was to drink three different teas per day, but so far I've only managed to drink half a cup of one. I'm not a big fan of tea (never have been), but I've drank a few tolerable cups of tea in the past. However the herbal teas I've bought are terrible. Well, so far I've only tried the fenugreek, but the fennel and saw palmetto teas don't smell much better.

The fenugreek tea I made has a very strong smell. It smells like some kind of Indian cuisine, and I personally don't like Indian food--at least what I've tried. I especially don't like this particular scent. So it was very hard for me to drink it, because I was disgusted with the smell. It stunk up my house pretty badly which annoyed my family as well.

Another "odor" problem I've been having is with the mixture I'm using for massages. The fenugreek and the borage oil are pretty strong, and I can barely stand the smell of myself so I've been putting on some perfume to cover it up. The stench borage oil is also really hard to get rid of from my hands. I'll wash and wash, but the scent returns within minutes.

Anyway, that's all I've got to report for now.

Supplies

Well, I've got almost all the supplies I need for my routine. All that's left now are my herbal extracts, which I've just ordered online.

I've bought three different teas: fenugreek, fennel, and saw palmetto. All of them are from the brand Alvita. I've bought four herbs in capsule form from the Vitamin Shoppe: fenugreek, fennel, saw palmetto, and wild yam. I also bought borage oil (from the Vitamin Shoppe) for my massage. For my extracts, I've decided to get fennel, fenugreek, and wild yam. I bought them on Amazon, and they're from a brand called the Eclectic Institute. They claim that their ingredients have "optimum potency," but I'm not expert on what herbal brands are best, so I don't know how true that is.

Anyway, I hope to start my routine as soon as my extracts get here. I'm very excited, but nervous!

Test Results

So after many annoying events that delayed my getting these results any sooner, my doctor finally saw me on Wednesday (June 2nd) and told me how they turned out. I'm ecstatic to say that everything turned out fine! :D My ultrasound showed my insides as being healthy, and my blood tests showed my hormone levels as normal. This means I can start my NBE routine now!

I am planning on doing the following:

-Buying three different herb teas (fenugreek, fennel, and hops)
-Buying those herbs in capsule form as well (although I may change it up and buy some other galactogogues).
-Buying some beremeal cereal.
-Buying some herb extracts.
-Getting vitamin E and borage oil.

Protein is apparently very important to NBE, so I might be eating some protein bars everyday. Although I have a high-protein diet already, so this might not be necessary.

Ultrasound

I went to get the pelvic ultrasound today, and man was that a pain in the ass! I had to drink five cups of water half an hour before I got there, and I wasn't allowed to go to the bathroom. When I got to the doctor's office, I had to sit in the waiting room for another half hour, and by the time I got called in, I was practically exploding from the need to pee.

As the doctor started the procedure and pressed the thing (I don't know what it's called) to my stomach, it got even worse. She was pressing me right where it hurt the most, and it almost seemed like she was trying to squeeze the pee out of me. I actually had to stop her halfway through the process to run to the bathroom across the hall. She told me to try not to relieve myself completely so that there would still be some water inside me, which I think I managed. But it was so horrible. I hate having to hold my urine. Grrrr.

Anyway, I felt a little funny getting an ultrasound done, because the only other reason I'd ever heard of women getting them done is to check on the growth of their babies when they're pregnant. I stared at the screen as the doctor moved her thingy across my stomach and my sides, feeling as though I should be seeing a tiny person moving around in the image. My friends would automatically assume I was pregnant if I told them I'd gone to the doctor to get an ultrasound. I hope I can manage to get copies of the photos at some point in the future so that I can play pranks of people.