The Complications of Secretly Doing NBE

Day 27

For an undisciplined and lazy person like myself, NBE is hard to do. Sure it sounds easy: take twelve pills a day, drink your tea(s), and massage at least once. But if you're used to procrastinating everything and if you're disorganized, a routine can fall apart easily. So it's tough for me to pull through on my routine, but the toughest part of it all is the fact that I have to hide everything from my family.

I hide my NBE because I know that if I didn't, all of the following things would happen:

1. My parents would flip out if they found out I was taking a whole bunch of pills made of substances they know nothing about. In fact, if they were to stumble upon my stash of pills, they'd probably immediately think I was on drugs. Then I'd have to explain everything to them, but of course they would tell me that I have no idea what I'm talking about and that I have no business going out and buying unknown supplements without asking their permission first.
2. They'd probably mock me for caring so much about my breast size that I'm willing to do something so dangerous (because I have no doubt that they'd think it's dangerous). Or if they didn't mock me, they'd pity me. They'd try to get to the root of my insecurity and give me a whole bunch of speeches telling me that I'm beautiful already.
3. They might tell the story to my other relatives, which would be humiliating. Half of me thinks that my parents would know better than to blab to others about something as private as this, but my other half isn't sure.
4. I'd feel a lot more pressure for my routine to work. If I were to let them know about all this and then none of it worked, I'd end up feeling like a fool. At least if I keep it to myself, nobody will know about any failures I have.

People around me also tend to perceive me as the type of person who doesn't care about their looks, so admitting that I was trying NBE would basically be confessing that I do care about my image. For some reason admitting that to others would make me feel really vulnerable, which I'd like to avoid.

So anyway, I've had a lot of explaining and hiding around to do lately. I have to hide my herbal extracts bottles and my pills. I've had to explain why I suddenly have bad body odor (I've blamed it on my teas, but in reality it's the massage batter rubbed all over my chest), and I've had to explain why I'm suddenly interested in drinking tea at all (I've claimed that they're really healthy and that I'm trying to be healthier in general). I had to go out on my own and buy my pills. I had to order my herbal extracts online because I couldn't find them in stores, and I had to make sure I was home when the mail arrived during the next couple of days because I didn't want my package to arrive and end up being opened by my mother.

It's all really irritating. I hope that my efforts end up being worth it.